A Modest Proposal: Gun Violence In Schools

 

Over a hundred innocent lives are taken every year at the
hands of shooters in school alone.

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National rifle association has already made the proposal to
have armed officers in every American school. Makes sense right? They’ve even
went so far as to request for trained teachers and administrators to be allowed
carry their weapons. Something’s wrong here but I can’t really … put my finger
on it.

To most this is a big no-no. In my opinion it just isn’t
enough.

For some odd reason everyone refuses to acknowledge the
obvious problem. Children are helpless and are completely incapable of helping
themselves, well they could….. If they had their own weapons

I say … let’s go all out. Give the kids guns.  The youngest of our population should be the
first to learn. Beginning at age three all children should take a vigorous 12
day course where they will learn how to properly operate guns, at the end of
this course they will receive a certificate of completion. Their parents will be
responsible for choosing which course their child will take. Courses on hand
guns, machine guns and rifles will be offered.

The children won’t be allowed to enroll in school without a
certificate of completion of their gun handling course. Therefore they’ll be
noncompliant with the state laws and will undergo consequences given by the
state. Failure to carry gun and ammunition in school will result in first a
written warning a 2nd time complete suspension from any school
suspension from school. They will be forced to work in weapon production
factories.

This proposal is unquestionably the most logical and
effective of all thus far. The benefits associated with this course of action
outweigh any consequences that may result by afar. Firstly, since from 3 years
old every child will be able to protect themselves, which there would no longer
be any threat of school shootings in which children are merely helpless victims
unable to defend themselves. Secondly, no person will be reliant on any other
individual for their own protection; except babies; every person will be
completely self-sufficient in his or her own protection. Thirdly, arming
children will teach discipline and controlled violence from necessity from the
earliest possible age, bettering society in general. Fourthly, all citizens
will be more than capable of serving in the military, considering they will
have already had training with assault weapons during the intense twelve-day
training period they underwent at age three. Fifthly, it will be much easier to
identify illegal immigrants (who will not have passed the training period and
will therefore not have a certificate) and to kick them out of our glorious
nation and back into their countries where they belong.

 

Surely even the most demented supporters of gun control must see
that, with nearly 300 million privately owned firearms already in circulation,
no anti-gun legislation can protect the nation’s children from them. Just as
the answer to offensive speech is more speech, the answer to a firearm is
another firearm. As an American, I’m not troubled by the ban on school prayer
nearly as much as I am by our refusal to give our children a prayer of
defending themselves. Many states already allow concealed firearms on college
campuses. We need to act swiftly to give precious babies the same chance at
life that armed collegians enjoy. If we fail to do so, the blood of future unarmed
victims will be on our hands.